when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
