I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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