When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
