i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we're making bets on your personal life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
