i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
