That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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