If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
