I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
