It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
