so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
