The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
