Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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