he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
