Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
