Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
