do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
