sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
