She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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