And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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