Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
