me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
