so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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