I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
