Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When are your genitals available?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
