cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
