I want to walk on stilts...naked
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
