ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
