I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
