i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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