You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
