i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
