You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you never un-have a 4some
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
