@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
