Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
