We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
