Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
