The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
