I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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