i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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