He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
