hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
