my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
