When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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