Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
