ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
