I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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