i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
