Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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