At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why do cheetos always look like penises
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
