you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
